put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
