I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
