Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
