he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize