I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize