we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
