I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
