I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
