I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
