I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
