and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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