are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
