I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
