Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
