I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
