It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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