so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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