Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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