found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
