We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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