I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
