I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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