That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
