Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
