How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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