He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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