Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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