I'll bet she douches with gravy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
