Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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