so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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