Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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