You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
