Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
