I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
