Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
