why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
