Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
