not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
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well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
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Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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