She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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