Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize