you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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