kristin has been a bad kristin
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
