i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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