i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
