I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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