Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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