Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
