So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
