I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
