Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
