wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
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she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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