You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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