I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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