we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
