Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
