just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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