He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
