Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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