Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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