Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
