I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
