I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
