He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
