Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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