i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
