Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
