I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
