just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
