Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
