i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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