I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
