I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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