if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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