i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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