im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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